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  1. Sarah GutierrezAugust 26, 2012 at 1:30 PM

    First off, don't get downtrodden with anything I'm about to say. I wanna help not hate :). Your first essay was great! You had some awesome examples especially when you got to the part about Elliot's syntax. You nailed the personification factor of her writing and even her style. However, there were some grammar mistakes through out your essay. One way my mom taught me to fix that was when you're done, read the essay out loud to yourself. You speak so well and can force anyone into a corner when you're arguing that reading it to yourself will make it much easier to pick out imperfections. One more thing I noticed was that you were putting your point of view into the first essay. You wanna be careful about that because the prompt didn't ask for that. It wanted ELLIOT'S point of view, not yours. I noticed this b/c at the beginning you gave a long example of how things change over time and how George Elliot's need for things to stay the way they were was a fallacy. It's true, but the prompt wasn't asking for your opinion on the matter. It was asking you to put yourself in her shoes and write about why old leisure was so important to her.

    The second essay was I think a little too rushed and also, didn't really relate to the prompt. We read that book a while ago so maybe next time pick one that's a little more recent? Other than my few critiques, your writings are very good. I'm always on Facebook if you ever want me to proof read :)

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    1. Mackenzie GreeleyAugust 26, 2012 at 2:44 PM

      I understand what you are saying and I spent most of my time on the first essay (and since I was timing myself) if I could do one really well then I thought I would just try to address the other.

      Thank you and by the way I loved your essays! So jealous!!! ;)

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